


Break of Dawn

by Shadow15



Category: Gintama
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 20:09:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14901164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow15/pseuds/Shadow15
Summary: Kondo had always worried about Sougo, but it wasn’t until their home and everything in it burn to the ground and he almost loses the younger two he loves like his own children does he realise just how far gone Sougo has become.Homeless and in despair, Kondo reaches out to the Yorozuya.  Though they give him and his fostered kids a home with them, even they begin to find themselves struggling with Sougo. After all, Gintoki knows better than anyone that no matter how hard one tries, not everyone can be saved.





	Break of Dawn

Sougo had always been good at hiding his emotions behind a blank gaze, but even he wasn’t immune to the moments where his feelings were plastered all over his face and he could be read as easily as a book published in large print.  It usually occurred when he had been caught off-guard by something, or when waves of emotional exhaustion consumed him. 

“Jeez, I only wanted to snuff Hijikata-san out is all,” the boy muttered as his eyes gazed around the furnished living room of what was apparently his new home.  “If I knew I was going to have to live with you lot, I might have waited for him to drown himself before I set his bed on fire.”

“Hey, Gin-chan?”

Sougo’s eyes moved to the three who were sitting on one of the two couches around the small coffee table.  He forced his emotions back behind their usual poker face as the orange-haired girl tugged at the sleeve of the yukata the silver-haired male he remembered as Gintoki Sakata was wearing.  The girl’s name, if he remembered correctly, was Kagura, and the four-eyed boy on the other side of Sakata was… Shinpachi?  He wasn’t entirely sure on that one, but right now he didn’t care enough to worry about it.

“I don’t want him living with us; he’ll burn our home down as well.” Kagura made a pouty face before he sent a dirty look Sougo’s way.  The boy’s jaw clenched, and his grip on the box he was holding tightened, but he knew better than to do anything here; after burning down his foster parent’s house, the other was _a little_ mad with him…

“Hey, I’m not happy about this either.”  Sougo sighed.  “I hate this place; it’s too small and now I’m going to have to see stupid Hijikata-san more than I already do.”

As if summoned by his name, Hijikata appeared behind Sougo with his own boxed belongings in his arms.  “Yeah, like I’m happy about it either, Sougo.  This is _your_ fault we’re here, you little shit, so don’t complain!”

“Too bad I woke you up screaming when I caught fire that night or else you might have made a tasty roast in your bed…”

“And I regret throwing water on you and putting the fire out; I should have let you burn!”

Back in the apartment, the three on the couch shared glances.  It was Shinpachi who whispered, “If they keep fighting like this, they’re probably going to kill each other before they can burn the place down again.”

“One-hundred yen says Hijikata snaps first,” Gin whispered back.

“Two-hundred yen and Hijikata hacks him up with a hatchet,” Kagura added in.  

It was almost amusing, watching as the two bickered between themselves at the doorway but refused to actually step into the apartment; it was as if crossing the threshold would spell out their doom – but in a way, it probably did; they didn’t know what the others were going through, having lost their home and most of what was in it save a few possessions that had survived the raging flames.  They weren’t going to pry, though, at least not yet because even if they _did_ ask anything about it, it would probably only be met with the same antisocial attitudes they had always known Sougo and Hijikata for.

The bickering stopped when their foster parent finally arrived at their sides.  It was strange, but it was almost as if the man was some sort of comfort for them.  In a way, he probably was, because even though the three didn’t know the details, they had heard the two had had rough childhoods.

“Sougo.” The man known as Kondo tried so hard to remain patient with the two, but as he looked at the blond boy, anger seeped from his tone.  “If you hadn’t burnt our house down, we wouldn’t _have_ to live here, would we?  Leave your attitude at the door; I _don’t_ want to hear you complaining about this.”

Sougo sighed.  He juggled the box in his arms a little to find a more comfortable position for holding it, before he glanced at Hijikata and then back to Kondo.  “Hey, where’s my room?  I don’t want to have to look at stupid Hijikata-san for more than I already have to.”

“Yeah, where’s my room as well?  The feeling’s mutual.” Hijikata humphed as his shoulders went taut and he turned to the side with a stubborn expression on his face.  He looked back into the living room when he heard Gin say, “That one”, but his annoyance only rose when he found the silver-haired male pointing at a door and not specifying whose room it was.  He stomped his foot and yelled, “That’s not funny!  Whose room is it?!”

Kondo put his hands on both of the younger male’s shoulders and held an almost pleading look on his face as he tried to calm the situation, but even he knew this wasn’t going to go down well.  “Well, uh, since this is only an apartment, there’s not many rooms, so you and Sougo are going to have to share, Toshi.”

Hijikata, who rarely showed disrespect to the man who had rescued him from the streets, continued shouting.   “So you put me in a room with the bastard who burnt our house down because he set my bed on fire with _me_ in it?!  I’d rather share a room with the Yorozuya bastard!”

Finally, someone entered the apartment.  Sougo had pushed past Hijikata with enough force to almost knock the other from his feet, and when he called over his shoulder, it was in a dark tone.  “I’d rather you share a room with him as well, Hijikata-san.  It might be better for your health, too; I’m sure _he_ won’t try and slit your throat as you sleep.”

Hijikata was at breaking point, and it was clear from the way he was trembling so much.  He said nothing, not even as Kondo almost pleaded with Gintoki to share his room with Hijikata.  As expected, the request was turned down not-so-politely, leaving Kondo to watch in defeat as Hijikata took his box and stomped over to the balcony on the other side of the living room.  He sighed as the younger slid open the door and stood by the railing so he could light his cigarette in peace, trying to relieve some of the stress on his shoulders. 

“Oi, if our house gets burned down next, you’re paying our rent for the next ten years.” While Kagura and Shinpachi had already gone back to their own devices, Gintoki was watching Kondo with bored eyes as he fingered the Jump manga abandoned on his lap.  He then shrugged to the bedroom Sougo had disappeared into before adding on, “And do something about him, will ya?  There’s a girl living in my closet, you know?”

Kondo’s shoulders sagged in defeat.  He muttered, “I’ve _tried_ to do something about him…” as he moved to sit on the couch next to his new housemate.  He wasn’t usually one to give up so easily, but he felt at a loss here, and the situation had become dire enough for him to _beg_ that freelancing group to let them stay just so extra sets of eyes could be kept on Sougo.  

As hard as Kondo _had_ tried, it was getting to the point where he was starting to think he was going to wake up one morning and find Sougo really _had_ slit Toshiro’s throat in his sleep.  

* * *

 

Night must have fallen faster than he had realised because Sougo had been sure he had only rolled out his futon ten minutes ago by the time the shoji slid open again for the first time since he had isolated himself.  He didn’t move from where he was laying on his side, picking at the loose fabric in his hakama.  Now that he was thinking about it, the room _did_ seem darker than he had remembered it being…

“Sougo?”

It was Kondo, Sougo knew.  Even if the other hadn’t spoken, his suspicions still would have been confirmed by the large hand that started patting his head in a gentle manner.  “…”

“Sougo, dinner’s ready.” Kondo’s voice was the gentlest it had been since the boy had burnt their home down, but Sougo didn’t believe the other was being sincere; he would never forget the rage the man had been in at the hospital as he sat by Hijikata’s side and held his hand as he tried not to stare at the ventilator the unconscious male had been placed on.  “Everyone’s already eating.”

“I’m not hungry.” Sougo still didn’t move, not even when Kondo’s hand froze in his hair.  

“You haven’t eaten anything for three days now…” The gentle tone the man was using cracked, and now his voice wavered as if he were on the verge of tears.  “You know, Toshi’s worried about you, too, Sougo…”

“Why would he be worried about me when I’m the one that caused this?  He doesn’t care about me; he never did…”

“If Toshi didn’t care about you, he wouldn’t have chosen you when it came to having to decide between putting the flames on _you_ out, or the flames that were destroying everything he owned.” Kondo sighed.  “I know he doesn’t show it, but he _does_ care about you, Sougo.  Despite what you believe.”

The boy shook his head.  “Well, I don’t care about _him_.  He won’t stop taking everything from me and I _hate_ him for it.”

Kondo knew how insecure his foster child felt in his own skin.  He knew how sensitive the other could be when it came to having the attention focused _off_ Sougo.  The boy, as well as he hid it, was only _scared_ of losing one of the last people he had.  It was sad, and Kondo had done his best to reassure the boy no one was going to leave him like his parents had, but still…  As hard as he tried to make Sougo comfortable with Toshiro, it seemed impossible to accomplish.

“He hasn’t taken _me_ from you, has he?” Kondo’s hand resumed stroking soft hair.  “I’m still here, even after what you did.  I’m still here, and I’m not going anywhere.  So please, come out and eat with us; you _need_ to eat.”

“…” Sougo slowly turned his head until his red eyes were fixed on Kondo’s.  He shrugged, a sign of his surrender he wouldn’t speak aloud.  He pushed himself into a sitting position before he turned to look at the window that had been behind him this whole time.  It surely was dinnertime, as the bright light of the afternoon he had laid down in was now almost complete darkness.  He turned back to Kondo.  “What’s for dinner…?”

“Nothing special; just some rice and curry.” The man waited until Sougo had stood up before he followed suit.  “You know how that group is…  Never having any money…”

Sougo didn’t respond.  It was strange to him for Kondo to have chosen said group to live with as the man had said it himself; the Yorozuya were rarely with money, and from what he understood, had so little to scrape by with, they couldn’t even pay their rent.  His shoulders sagged; were they going to become homeless again because of this…?  Why had the others even agreed to take them on when right now, Kondo’s money was tied up in everything that had happened? 

“Kondo-san?’ Sougo’s voice was quiet as they drew closer to the shoji, not wanting anyone’s attention but the man who had selflessly taken him in when he had no one but his sister.  “Why are they letting us stay here?”

“Ah, I promised to pay them a hefty sum once our finances are sorted out.  Don’t bring it up with them; they’re still a bit salty we aren’t going to pay their rent for them.”

Sougo nodded.  He hated how everyone’s attention had now turned to him as he made his first – or second, really – appearance for the day, and if he couldn’t keep his emotions hidden behind a blank look of general disinterest, the discomfort he felt at being around such a large group might have made itself clear.  

“And the sadist finally arrives,” Gintoki muttered in boredom as he scoffed down his rice like it was the only meal he had had in weeks.  

“Gin-chan, isn’t he now an arsonist?” Kagura raised a good point, but Shinpachi could sense the deadly aura that wafted from Sougo now, and he yelped as he drew the attention onto himself.

“D-don’t talk about him like that!  Both of you need to learn some respect!” Shinpachi hurriedly called Sougo’s name now as he tried to diffuse the situation.  “O-okita-san, please, feel at home!  We left some extra dishes for you in case you decided to eat with us!”

“You needn’t have troubled yourself; I’m not hungry.  I only came out to see if Hijikata-san decides to throw himself off the balcony.”

Hijikata growled, but he didn’t retaliate; he instead reached into his pocket for a cigarette and lighter.  He put the smoke into his mouth, but as soon as he lit the lighter up, he stopped and looked at Sougo.  The boy’s lips had twisted into a firm frown and his red eyes had widened, and for once Hijikata felt bad enough for him to put the flame out and drop the cigarette from his lips.  “Oi, Sougo?”

As quickly as Sougo had donned a look of fear, it vanished.  He reached out and shoved the other hard, but Hijikata didn’t fight back; he knew not to.  “Don’t light those stupid things when you’re around me, Hijikata!  I was on _fire!_ ”

“Yeah, because you were stupid enough to catch yourself on the flames and spread it, you idiot!” The raven-haired male’s fist thumped hard against Sougo’s head.  “You think _you’re_ upset because of it?!  I had to put you out and _drag_ you outside!  And guess who almost _died_ from smoke inhalation?!  Not _Sougo_!”

Sougo, as intelligent as he was, had limited understanding of human emotion.  He could experience it, but when it came to other people, it was difficult for him to distinguish much more than basic emotion such as fear.  He tended to miss the more complicated feelings, which was why, right now, he couldn’t notice the despair in Hijikata’s eyes as he flashed back to having dragged an unconscious Sougo through the flames that had consumed everything faster than he had ever seen.  

Hijikata _hated_ when those thoughts crept up on him, reminding him of the way Sougo’s flesh had almost _melted_ from his body as the older male screamed for him to stay still so he could douse him with the water he had fetched from the bathroom.  He hated remembering how the roasting heat and the pain of having been on fire had caused Sougo to pass out, leaving Hijikata to brave the flames by himself and attempt to get them both out.  Some nights he dreamed of the way he had sat on the footpath, nursing the unconscious boy in his arms as he choked and gagged and _suffocated_ from the smoke he had inhaled and was preventing oxygen from entering his lungs.  In those times, he hated to admit he would wake up to find his cheeks dampened with what he hoped was sweat.  

Sougo didn’t bite back.  A single tear rolled down his cheek as he stood up and left the room.  He rubbed at his cheek, for once not caring who saw his weakness; even though that fire had been his fault, it was affecting him in ways he felt too uncomfortable to talk to anyone about.

“Hey, Sougo…” Hijikata’s throat felt as if it were constricting, making it difficult to talk.  He scratched his cheek as he looked to the side; what was he supposed to even say?  “…Hey…  Where are you going…?”

“What do you care?” The bitterness was clear in the younger’s voice.  “Just go and die already.”

Shinpachi was the one to break the silence that had fallen.  “He sounds pretty sad…”

Kondo closed his eyes as he folded his arms.  “He’s always been like that.  He’s never really been right in the head, but he’s been… _unwell,_ to say the least, since what happened…”

Hijikata grunted as he removed his chopsticks from his mouth.  “He’s meant to be on medication but he never stays on them…”

Gin shrugged.  “If he doesn’t want to stay on them, you really can’t force him.”

“I know…” Kondo looked to his lap.  “I just…  Sometimes I don’t know what to do for him…”

“He can tag along with us on some jobs tomorrow,” Gintoki offered.  “It’ll keep him from burning our place down as well, and you said you need someone to watch him while you two are at work.”

Kondo nodded.  It was weird to think that he and Toshiro would be continuing with their work in the police force so soon after everything, but Sougo, who had been with them from the start, would be off on stress leave.  It never felt the same when one or both younger males were off work, but if it would help Sougo’s mental health, he would do whatever he could.  “Don’t let him out of your sights, whatever you do.”

Kagura let out a dramatic sigh.  “Gin-chan, why do we need to babysit him?  He’s old enough to look after himself.”

“Kagura…” Gintoki who, for once, had been about to scold the girl, stopped when Kondo’s strained tone spoke over the top of him.

“He’s being “babysat” because right now he’s a danger to _himself_ ,” Kondo forced out.  “Maybe you don’t…  But _I_ care about what he may do to himself when he’s alone…”

Shinpachi’s eyes softened.  “Do you really think he’d…  He’d hurt himself…?”

Kondo nodded.  “This isn’t his first stressor; he has a history of self-harm when things have been hard.”

“He tried to commit suicide once…” Hijikata took a puff of his cigarette before he exhaled the smoke and continued on in a tone that was softer than what he was known for, almost as if it was painful to think of this particular memory. “When he was younger.  We still don’t know what had happened, but…  Kondo-san found him in his room.  He had overdosed.”

“I thought you two hated each other,” Gintoki said.  “That’s what everyone says, at least.”

Hijikata shrugged.  “I don’t hate him.  He just… has his problems.  He hates me, though.  He really does.  And I just… don’t know why…”

“Hijikata-san…”

“Toshi…” Kondo _hated_ seeing the younger two looking so lost.  He reached out, placing his hand on the raven-haired male’s shoulder in hopes it would bring some sort of comfort to Hijikata.  He then looked back to their new housemates, and as much as he wanted to plead with them to help him out, he knew he couldn’t; though they all knew one another, they had never been on very good terms and both parties knew almost nothing about the other.  He hoped that would change with time but for now, all he could do was be the shoulder Toshi and Sougo needed to lean on. 

Hijikata’s smoke didn’t last long.  For once, he didn’t even finish it.  He plucked it from his lips before even half of it had smouldered so he could put it out and get back to his feet.  He tugged his yukata tighter around him to ward off the chill he was starting to feel as he turned around so he could get the box he had left in the far corner of the room earlier.  He knelt down so he could pick it up, and without even turning to face the others, he muttered, “I’m not hungry, either.  I’m going to bed, too.”

Hijikata’s hands trembled slightly as he moved ever closer to the shoji that was separating his and Sougo’s room from the rest of the apartment.  He halted briefly outside of it so he could call out to Sougo and let the boy know he was coming in.  No response came from inside the room, so he slid the shoji open and peeked in.  As he had expected, the younger was curled up on his futon again, but he wasn’t trying to sleep; he was laying on his side and staring out of the window.

“Sougo?” Hijikata slid the shoji closed behind him.  The light was already on so he crossed to the other side of the room and put his box next to the one already on the small desk tucked away beneath the window.  “I’m going to put my stuff away.  Do you want me to put yours away as well?”

“…”

“Sougo?” Hijikata turned back to the brunet.  “Did you hear me?”

“I heard you, stupid Hijikata-san.  When are you going to drown yourself?” Sougo still didn’t move; his eyes only flickered over to the older male.  “I can do it for you if you need help.”

The stronger male sighed.  “What side of the closet do you want?  We’re going to have to share it.”

“All of it.  Go away.  Get your own room.”

“You know I can’t.” Hijikata wasn’t a patient person by any means, but whenever he wanted to yell at the other, his eyes would fix on the burns that still hadn’t healed on Sougo’s hands and nausea would swim in his stomach.  “I’m taking the left side of it.”

If Sougo had been feeling like himself, the two of them would have been in a vicious fist fight by now, but Sougo didn’t even have the energy to protest any further. He watched with a blank expression as the older male kneeled in front of the closet and pulled some of the clothing he had bought that morning from the box.  “Hijikata-san, why are you putting anything away?  We have nothing left anyway.  All you’re doing is reminding yourself of that when you open the closet door and get to decide from all four sets of clothing you own.”

“If you didn’t –“ Hijikata cut himself off.  He shook his head.  It wasn’t worth yelling at Sougo for something the boy already knew.  “...”

“I’m just leaving my stuff in my box.” Sougo sighed softly.  “The two sets of clothing I have left and my –  Hijikata-san?”

The older male had doubled over from the force of the hoarse coughs that felt as if they were ripping his lungs apart.  His coughs became more and more harsh until he felt himself coughing something up into his palm.  His eyes were watering too much to see what it was clearly, but it felt warm and sticky on his skin.

“Hijikata-san?”

Hijikata tried to clear his vision to see what exactly it was, but it was too difficult when everything around him was becoming blurred.

“Hijikata…  Kondo!  Kondo!”

Perhaps it had been the abnormal urgency of his tone that had drawn the others in, but soon enough the shoji had been forced open and the occupants of the living room were spilling inside one by one.  Kondo had no hesitation whatsoever in his movements as he rushed to the younger two sprawled on the floor together, and it took everything he had to not break down on the spot as he pulled Hijikata into his arms and pleaded with him to hold on.  

“Kagura, call an ambulance.” Gintoki, who for the most part was a level-headed person, stayed calm as he took his time in approaching. He knelt so he could examine the mixture of blood and mucus that had fallen onto the floorboards.  He winced. “Oi, gorilla.  How much has he been smoking since the fire?”

“He hasn’t been; he’s had bronchitis.” Kondo held Hijikata to his chest tightly as he surveyed the silver-haired male with a look of despair.  “This would have been his first smoke since the fire.”

Shinpachi, who was thinking the same as Gin, put his hand into the closet and dragged his finger along the ground.  He then raised his index finger to show the others the amount of dirt and dust clinging to it.  “His lungs have been badly weakened; it was probably a combination of the cigarette and the dust in this room since it hasn’t really been used. We need to wait for the ambulance to get here.”

Gintoki said nothing as he looked to where Sougo was still sitting on his futon.  The boy held what he _knew_ was genuine fear on his face.  “Souichiro-kun, why are you just sitting there? If you’re scared you’re going to lose him, get up and do something for him.  If you really wanted him dead, you wouldn’t look like you’re about to cry.”

In just one second, Sougo’s expression turned feral.  He narrowed his eyes and his lips upturned into a wild grimace, and when he spoke, his voice was thick was hatred.  “I don’t care what happens to him.  I tried burning him to death, remember?  I hope he _does_ die this time.”

Gin knew now wasn’t the time to deal with that brat, so he turned back to Hijikata and watched as the others leant over the raven-haired male who had, by now, fallen still and silent apart from the blood trickling from the corner of his lips as his body twitched.  It was a strange feeling to be so concerned about how long it could possibly take an ambulance to get here when this was someone he had butted heads with for so long – but to be completely honest, there really wasn’t a lot of bad blood between he and the three now sharing his home; none of them had ever really seen eye to eye, but they had saved his ass on more occasions than he would care to admit, and had done the same for them just as much.  

They couldn’t really be called _friends,_ but even so, Gin couldn’t stand back and watch as someone suffered; it was the reason he had allowed them into his home in the first place as he knew he couldn’t turn them away when he had once been in their position.  He could understand it; the stress of being homeless.  Starved and alone, with nobody to lean against when he needed someone – _anyone!_ – the most.  

Life hadn’t been easy for him, and though he didn’t know the specifics, he knew neither of the younger ones had had it much easier until Kondo had came along and saved them from themselves.  It was almost sad, now that he was thinking about it.  After everything that gorilla had done and sacrificed for them, how do they repay him?  By burning his home to the ground and dying in his arms.  They were both selfish, inconsiderate bastards, and that was being nice.

 _You’d better not die, shitty Mayora…_ Gin turned away so he could wait outside for the paramedics.  Not because of the despair that was so thick in that fucking room, it was suffocating him.  Not because if Hijikata _did_ croak, he didn’t want to be there to witness it.  Of course not.  _Kondo won’t be the only one you hurt if you do_.


End file.
